Man, here we are again. It’s a good problem to have. It’s still a strange to me, considering that we had all of 3 hits in March and like 500 total for the entire summer of 2011. Now we’re churning … Continue reading 40,000 Hits Bonus Video!
Moving the Bed The dream The same dream. Two or three nights a week, the same dream. I stand on the shoreline of the Mediterranean in the blackness of night, ankle deep in the lightly churning water. The sea looms … Continue reading Moving the Bed: A Story About Death
Once upon a time, getting to 10,000 hits seemed like an uphill battle. We worked hard to build the site in 2011, but at the end of the year we had just over 6,000 hits. Not too shabby considering we … Continue reading 30,000 Hits Bonus Video!
Because you’ve all been so good and have been killing it on the site lately, here’s another video for the milestone we hit a couple days ago. It took us almost a year to get to 10,000 hits. Then we … Continue reading 20,000 Hits Bonus Video!
If life has taught me anything, it’s that if you ever find a machine that clones people, destroy it. You would think all science fiction would have been enough of a deterrent against this unfortunate invention, but people are still tempted at the possibilities of cloning.
Just this week, I read a post on the internet that compiled various people’s desire to be cloned, called PLEASE, PLEASE CLONE ME, found here. One person is asking for a clone to cure his paralysis, but wonders what the ramifications will be on his soul (hint: not great). A woman said her dad died, and wishes to give birth to her dad’s clone so her son will be like her father. Which is weird in too many ways to go over now. These people are not simply inquiring about cloning possibilities or how to clone — they are specifically asking this guy to clone them now, like it’s common knowledge he has invented a cloning machine and is taking offers, but needs to hear people’s reasoning first.
The point is, people want to be cloned. Well, I’m here to tell you, sirs and mams, please do not give into temptation. But not for the reasons you would think. We already know the potential for you to create an army for yourself and take over the world. We understand the agricultural ramifications you would have on the planet because you are inconsiderate and eat way too much food. And we’ve all seen The Fly. But you have to think deeper. Here are six extremely critical reasons why it’s imperative you destroy any cloning devices you run across. Continue reading “The Temptation of the Clones: Please Destroy your Replicators”
I live and breathe Zelda. It’s no secret. I’m not ashamed. I write fan fictions. I spend hours theorizing over timeline possibilities. And I immerse myself in each and every title in the series as deeply as possible. You’re starting to get weirded out, but stay with me.
Last year, I wrote an article about suggestions I had for Skyward Sword. Much to my surprise, Nintendo incorporated very few of them. Somehow, the game still managed to be a great success, blending sharp motion gameplay with an intriguing story and a thing I like to call Zelda magic.
With the new Zelda game being worked on for the Wii U, I think it’s time for another round of ideas and speculation. Shigeru Miyamoto has said that Skyward Sword is the “last Zelda of its kind,” suggesting that series is in for an overhaul. Here are some changes I would like to see that would radically change the formula, take advantage of the tablet functionality, and yet stay true to the Zelda spirit. Continue reading “9 Changes I Want to See in the Wii U Zelda”
Frequent show contributor and At the Buzzer movie review Gary Sundt and I are working on a few scripts to break our way into Hollywood (admittedly, Gary is doing a better job than I). I need this to happen, because right now I feel like I’m the only person on the planet who knows how to write a good ending.
Good endings aren’t hard. All you need to do is find the right blend of the ENDING TRIFECTA (patented by me). The ending trifecta is composed of resolution, satisfaction, and artistic closure. Like the perfect recipe, you need a little of each to really have a great ending. If you resolve everything by explaining what happens to every character, but the resolution is that every character is killed in a horrible fashion, this satisfies the resolution and artistic closure of your ending, but offers no fan satisfaction (unless the fans hated your characters). Likewise, if you attempt to satisfy your fans by offering a cookie cutter happy ending, you might sacrifice true character and event resolution, as well as the final exploration of your artistic themes.
It’s a tough balance. Except it’s not. Watch me cover some universally maligned endings and demonstrate how they easily could have been made better. Continue reading “Watch Me Make Endings Better (Spoilers)”
If I could invent anything, it would definitely be time-control socks. I’ve given this some thought. No such thing, you say? Ridiculous. A hundred years ago, Christopher Columbus said the earth was flat. Now look where we are. One democratic nation, united under cheeseburgers and Lee Greenwood’s I’m Proud to Be an American. If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you? Exactly. Forge your own path. Seize the day.
Now that I’ve broken you down with my argument, I need to explain the idea of the continuum altering footwear. Somewhere, somehow, someone has invented these socks, and it’s up to me to find them. It’s my destiny. Continue reading “Time Traveling Socks: Please Save the Environment”
That’s right, another post about Mass Effect 3. I promise it will be my last one. Probably.
Yesterday, it was announced that Bioware would be releasing their answer to the fan outcry due to Mass Effect 3’s much maligned ending. This answer is the form of an extended cut DLC package that will offer additional cinematic and epilogue scenes. Some fans will still be disappointed because, unless some miracle happens, the additional scenes will expand off of the controversial ending that came blindsided players out of nowhere and will surely ignore the “indoctrination theory” that most fans (including myself) were hoping for most. Continue reading “In Further Defense of the Ending of Mass Effect 3”
I’m writing in response to Dave’s article on Wednesday about what he would do with 180 million dollars. I must defend myself on a couple points.
Point of defense, number 1: Dave implied that I would buy an island and dedicate it to performing crazy science experiments. This is false. I can hold all the science experiments I need to right in my own home. My roommates provide the appropriate fodder. And science experiments on an island can only lead to scenarios like Lost. Before you know it, I’m jumping through time with polar bears and smoke monsters, destination: purgatory.
Point of defense, number 2: Dave implied that…you know what? Creating a Lost scenario wouldn’t be that bad. Lost is, hands down, the greatest show ever created. Sure, there are shows that are better written, like Breaking Bad. Or shows that feature consistently fascinating characters, like Dexter. But no show explores the themes or tells a story like Lost did. Continue reading “Lost it all”
Gray Areas 