Dead or Alive 5 Review: Fun Trumps Technicality

This review, you might have noticed, is a bit late. I apologize. When you call yourself a “gaming expert,” the onus is on you to master every facet of the game you’re reviewing. Well, considering that I’ve just beat the arcade mode on easy after dying less than dozen times (a new record!), I think I’ve reached that point. It turns out “blocking” is sort of important in fight games, after all.

I’ve long been a fan of the Dead or Alive series. The fun, frenetic pace and dynamic levels always outweighed the absurdly over-sexualized characters and silly story. So, when Dead or Alive 5 came out to decent reviews, I decided to pick it up.

After an evening playing through and giving up on a terrible story mode and witnessing the most awful breast physics (which, in and of itself is automatically terrible), I almost sold it back. I’m glad I didn’t. Dead or Alive 5 isn’t the best or most technical fighter this year, but it might just be the most fun.

Problems abreast

Let’s get the negatives out of the way. Initially, the developer of DOA 5 said it was a goal of theirs to tone down the sexuality. “Cool,” I thought. “Maybe less bouncing will pave the way to more focus on the ACTUAL game. Now I don’t have to be embarrassed when people are around when I play it.” Well, I was lied to, America; if anything, it’s the most sexualized main entry yet. I don’t want to be like “MERRR first world problems I hate breasts why don’t they wear sweaters,” but I have a hard time thinking of computer graphics as “sexy,” a feat that’s even harder when the character’s bazongas seemingly have a mind of their own. They just don’t stop moving ever, and I  don’t believe that’s how physics work.

Furthermore, the “story mode,” if we’re going to be generous call it that, takes a page out of Soul Calibur 5’s version (see: miserable), where you are forced to play as specific characters throughout the “narrative.” So now, not only is the story abysmal, but I’m forced to play as Tina and Zack in segments? No thank you. Tina, specifically, can find the nearest bridge and do a suplex off it.

Button mashers and experts, unite

So, yes, bad is there, and the bad is bad. Thankfully, almost every other aspect of the game is great. The fighting itself is a blast, incorporating a paper-rock-scissors system of Holds-Throws-Strikes that constantly keep you on your toes…from what I hear. I never actually figured it out. I prefer discovering a few simple go-to combos and button mashing techniques, and then going to town. Sometimes, when you’re as good as me, you need to fight off of instinct, not button memorization or “reading your opponents.” Pff.

The game does a great job of selling the blows; when you hit, you really hit, and feel like you’re devastating opponents. And, in a testament to the game’s design, there’s plenty to devastate them with; each character utilizes a different form of fighting, from Hitomi’s karate to Brad Wong’s Drunken Fist style, and even Lisa’s stylish Mexican Wrestling. Furthermore, the newcomer, Mila, is awesome. She straight up brutalizes people with her MMA style that is augmented by her power and height. Plus, she’s one of the more conservative girls in the game, which I appreciate.

The stages are great, with emphasis on interactivity. Knock an opponent into an electrified fence does extra damage, and you can frequently push other fighters off edges to introduce a new plane in the level. The stages various effects are sometimes over the top (one has an entire train derailing), but are part of the title’s overall appeal. When I can punch punch kick and my opponent is smashed off a cliff into a fuel tanker that explodes, I feel very satisfied.

Gotta catch em all

While all that is well and good, the best, most addictive part of the game has to be its titles. I’m an achievement whore (almost 60,000 points. Weep, scrubs), so the idea of earning acknowledgement for my other-wordly gaming prowess is an instant win for me. DOA 5 has over 500 titles you can earn, ranging from fighting a certain amount of times with different characters, to finishing command training. With the main story out of the way, my new motivation for every session of the game is unlocking these titles. It provides the game a level of replayability that the series has never had before, and it’s better for it.

Summary

If you never liked DOA’s emphasis on fun over technicality before, or prefer a more serious fighter, the fifth iteration will not change your mind. However, if you just want fighting entertainment, or want to see Hitomi fighting in a see-through top (perv), you’ve come to the right place.

I give Dead or Alive 5 three sentient breasts out of five.