Heightened Senses
Last week, somebody asked me an interesting question. They said, “Do you even remember what it’s like to be short?”
My hopelessly witty and charming reply was something like “er…no.” I mean, I’m 6-foot-9. I’ve been tall for quite some time.
Truth be told, I do remember those days. I remember several things from when I was a kid, like Christmases, birthday parties, moments from my elementary school, and the day I was told about a certain divorce. And there’s plenty of other stuff too.
I also remember the day I was taller than my mom. Keep in mind, my mom is five feet tall. Sure, she’ll tell you that it’s actually 5 feet, 1/4 inch, but that doesn’t really stop her from falling into the short category. I’d been hovering around eye level for a while, but we were shopping one day in eighth grade when I noticed that I’d finally made the leap.
Passing my dad? That was a much bigger deal. Continue reading “Heightened Senses”
Razing Phoenix fans
I’m tired of Dave being the only one who writes sports every single week, like he has the corner on the sports market and is shutting us out. To deny him his monopolistic intentions, I’m going to write about sports. So there. Suck on that, Dave.
Suns fans are idiots. I said it. Sure, there are exceptions. I’m an exception. But when you judge a population, you base it off a whole. And the base says that Suns fans are moronic.
They demonstrate this idiocy in many ways. Getting disappointed and jumping off the bandwagon any season the Suns don’t contend for a title. Formulating impossible trade theories for superstars like “Sebastian Telfair and Hakim Warrick for Dwight Howard. The salaries match!” Demanding that we trade Channing Frye when he doesn’t hit 90 percent from three.
However, the greatest example of Suns fan stupidness is, and has always been, their view of Steve Nash, and their willingness to trade him. Suns fans have long insisted we’ve held on to Nash for way too long, and derided the front office for this decision.
At the Buzzer (01/19/12)
Episode 28: Tears for Fears — The guys interview the newest addition to the ATB site, movie reviewer Gary Sundt, go through the reader mailbag in Buzz In, and somehow travel through time in the most raw episode yet. Also, … Continue reading At the Buzzer (01/19/12)
Birthdays: Then and Now
A second in a series tentatively called: Getting older.
Birthdays used to mean something as a kid. It was a time for you to have delicious cake and ice cream, and invite about a million friends over to your house so that they’d all get you some sort of toy that you mostly didn’t need.
I used to count down to my birthday. “I’m 6 and 5/12ths,” I would say sometime around my sister’s birthday in May. (Remember, it’s all about me when you’re 5 years old. [Also…I was a huge nerd {and still am} for saying 5/12ths.]) Continue reading “Birthdays: Then and Now”
Going the Distance 011: Go Ahead, Make My Day
Ah, the old switcheroo. With its new body, the delicious cake now reminds me the old Muncher character from Number Munchers. In Going the Distance, our main character, “You,” has to manage to make his way to delicious cake. Sounds simple, right? But there are deadly spikes to deal with, and a host of other problems that appear each time. Let’s just say You fails more often than You succeeds. After all, it wouldn’t be much of a quest if You could just get cake whenever You wanted, would it? For more background on the comic or info on how … Continue reading Going the Distance 011: Go Ahead, Make My Day
Of Beds and Backs
I remember being a kid and thinking life was complicated. It wasn’t. Having to decide between a half pint of chocolate and regular milk in the lunch line was not a tough decision compared to the choices that lay ahead. But there were a lot of things that seemed more important at the time.
Decisions weren’t the only things that were easier back then. Once upon a time, I could sleep anywhere at any time. Stay up until 4 in the morning? No worries; I was up at 7 or 8 o’clock sharp feeling refreshed enough to go for another day. Hell, waking up at that time was almost automatic, regardless of when I went to sleep. And I slept in all kinds of weird places — random couches, an assortment of beds when jumping between staying with family members, even the floor on nights when parties got a little too raucous.
Last night I realized that those days are completely behind me. I have about three beds I can sleep in comfortably. Everything else is broken. Sure, some beds are still adequate for a decent night’s sleep, but there’s only a handful that don’t leave me with a sore back in the morning. And the most recent example was sleeping in Dave’s Tempur-Pedic bed when the ATB crew was in Phoenix this past weekend to celebrate his birthday. Continue reading “Of Beds and Backs”
Words to Live By: Death Philosophy, Redux
In the second installment in my “Words to Live By” series, I take a look at death. Again.
In the first installment, I took a look at how people die. But the how is a variable, dependent on the individual. What’s not a variable is the end result, which brings me to my point. Everybody dies. And then what? One of the most common and divisive topics regarding death is the decision to be buried or cremated. And here are my thoughts. Continue reading “Words to Live By: Death Philosophy, Redux”
At the Buzzer (01/12/12)
Episode 27: One Buzzoff to Rule Them All — The guys try to reinvent the fortune cookie industry, dive into the science of how soda dissolves mice, and take on two huge movie franchises in a divisive Buzzoff. Also, Chris barely watches any movies, Dave has trouble with theoretical constructs, and Shaun sends Superman to kill the Swiss Family Robinson. Headlines Cop issues speeding ticket, then asks for date Man finds mouse in his Mountain Dew 600-pound woman shuts down pay-per-view eating site People who didn’t get what they wanted for Christmas (mentioned in the lead) Secondary Segment — Buzzoff … Continue reading At the Buzzer (01/12/12)
The Return of Beavis and Butt-Head
Beavis and Butt-Head is one of the signature shows of the 1990s, whether you enjoyed the show or not. For better or worse, it was the target of both praise and criticism throughout its first run that ended in 1997.
The show returned this year, with the first new season ending last week. Upon its revival, it instantly became MTV’s best show…again. Continue reading “The Return of Beavis and Butt-Head”
Going the Distance 010: A Big Problem
You can just feel the sadness through your computer screen. In Going the Distance, our main character, “You,” has to manage to make his way to delicious cake. Sounds simple, right? But there are deadly spikes to deal with, and a host of other problems that appear each time. Let’s just say You fails more often than You succeeds. After all, it wouldn’t be much of a quest if You could just get cake whenever You wanted, would it? For more background on the comic or info on how to submit your own ideas, click here. Continue reading Going the Distance 010: A Big Problem
