One and Done

Faithful At the Buzzer blogger readers, I have news. After our first year on the internet, I’ve decided that I’m going to follow college basketball’s example and declare myself “one and done.” That’s right, I’m going pro.

I mean, can you blame me? All of the sudden, I got a call from the Huffington Post saying that they wanted my hard-hitting blog action and were going to pay me a 6 figure salary. You can bet your buzzer that I’m going to take that job and leave my co-hosts in the dust to become a two-man show. Continue reading “One and Done”

Making Millions

Recently I happened to catch a commercial saying that the Mega Millions jackpot had reached $300 million. 300 million smackeroos for buying a $1 ticket and getting some numbers right. Usually you see the people who win these are either the elderly or the backwoods poor people who then have no idea what to do with it when they win. Hell, as we covered on our episode last week, people sometimes even throw away their winning tickets. Now the chances of winning this are slim to none, but seeing that made me wonder, what would I do if I ever did win Mega Millions?

First, let’s quickly look at a story of a person that went broke, and we’ve got a doozy for you: Billy Bob Harrell. Billy Bob won $31 million from the Texas Lottery. Life was good for a while…until he couldn’t say no to anyone, including his wife, who asked for a divorce. Billy Bob literally gave away all his money, falling into depression until he eventually committed suicide.

Now that I’ve thoroughly depressed you, I’ll tell you there’s no way that this would ever happen to me. I’ve worked in finance and banking too long to blow through everything that quickly. I can, however, tell you what I’d do. If this is too logical for you, I apologize. Maybe Shaun can do the “buy your own island and conduct mad scientist experiments” blog post on Friday. Let’s assume for these purposes (because it’s easy) that I took the lump sum and only got about 60% of the $300 million. Let’s also assume I have no kids in this scenario, because…well, I don’t. Continue reading “Making Millions”

Letter to Peyton

Dear Peyton,

Hey, how’s it going? I know you’ve been busy with traveling around the country so I’ll keep this brief: Could you please come to Arizona to play for us?

I can’t begin to imagine all that’s going through your mind lately. You’ve got to feel like your wife just dumped you for a new, younger man…yet you’ve got supermodels running after you trying to have your baby. It’s got to be confusing. You thought you were going to spend your entire life with Indy, yet she left you because you cost too much and got too old. Well we don’t think you’re too old, Peyton; in fact, you’re just right for us, and we’re just right for you. Continue reading “Letter to Peyton”

Breaking Up with Video Games

Part three of “Getting Older Sucks”

What do most people do in their free time? Watch TV? Talk to friends? Cook? Clean? Play video games? For me, I used to play video games a lot in my spare time. I would find the newest sports title and just play it until I could win every game by calling the same play. Or I would get a new platform game, and obsessively play it through once til I beat it and found most of the hidden goodies.

Nowadays…they’re just not that important to me. Continue reading “Breaking Up with Video Games”

Rack Focus: Oscar Picks 2012!!!

The movies you didn't see! The stars you want to look at! Aren't you excited?!

And so they’re upon us yet again. The 84th annual award ceremony that cements in stone the arbitrary distinction of “best.” Packed with a slew of nods for mostly artsy and little-seen films, this year’s Academy Awards show won’t be breaking any ratings records — despite (and perhaps due to) the return of Billy Crystal as host/roast-master — but it will, at the very least, make a mention at Monday morning’s water cooler.

Accordingly, here are my picks for the 84th annual Academy Awards, complemented this year by explanatory haikus (because you can get self-important paragraphs from every other film critic, right?). Continue reading “Rack Focus: Oscar Picks 2012!!!”

Rack Focus: Review: The Artist

As I live in Los Angeles, I am an avid listener to the hilarious Kevin & Bean Show in the mornings on KROQ 106.7 FM. This past Tuesday, Kevin was complaining about The Artist, this year’s apparent frontrunner for the Best Picture Oscar at this year’s Academy Awards. Not only does our man Kevin dislike the film, but he has gone as far as to call it “utter BS.”

He has, of course, made up his mind having never seen the film, under the guise that it is for hipsters and intellectuals. They’re all wrong, but we’re going to circle back to that.

In the meantime, let me explain a little bit about The Artist. Here we have a silent film about the silent film era, specifically focusing on the transition into the talkies. Many silent film stars lost their livelihood when sound came along, and more than a few ended their lives when they were told their careers as movie stars were over. Those who could afford to reinvent themselves did just that, and such is the path of our protagonist, George Valentin (Jean Dujardin), a Frenchman who has spent his career singing and dancing and emoting without the aid of words. When sound hits the street, his success hits the skids, and he’s left to navigate the ways of filmmaking with only his faithful dog and his faithful driver (James Cromwell). Continue reading “Rack Focus: Review: The Artist”

Dunk You Very Much

I jumped up as high as I could, stretched my arm out as far as I could, and by mere inches I got that tennis ball up and over the rim.

That’s the closest I’ve ever come to doing the coolest thing one can do on a basketball court: dunking. I was 15 years old and on my JV basketball team in high school.  While many attempts of dunking an actual basketball were made (I once got a women’s ball in, but it couldn’t have been called a dunk), I never hit that point. Now, 12 years later, my chances of dunking on a 10-foot hoop are pretty much shot.

Monday night, Blake Griffin showed the world once again that he’s some sort of inhuman basketball monster. His dunk over Kendrick Perkins sent the basketball world (and me) into a frenzy. That got me to thinking something that has been debated many times over the years: What are the 10 best dunks of all time? Continue reading “Dunk You Very Much”

Rack Focus: Review: The Grey

At the risk of spoiling the entire film, I must warn anyone who was stirred to see The Grey from its promising trailer. It’s not that the latest picture from writer/director Joe Carnahan (NarcSmokin’ Aces, The A-Team) isn’t his best yet — in point of fact, it is — but it’s that the film that was sold to you is not really what you’ll be getting. It’s not dissimilar to Drive, an art film stuck with a “fast and furious” trailer. These aren’t bad movies, but the false pretense on which you see the film may leave you dissatisfied.

So here’s my warning: If you, like me, watched the trailer and determined that a snow-covered and wartorn Liam Neeson fighting wolves with a fistful of broken bottles was a film worth your hard-earned dollars, be prepared to be disappointed. It’s not that you’ll dislike The Grey, but this is a film that will give you everything but what you thought you were promised. The outrage from the audience was palpable and reasonable when the ending credits began, as though a ruse had been pulled and we had been gipped a dollar. But there is still a lot to like in The Grey, so long as you can accept the movie on it’s own terms. Continue reading “Rack Focus: Review: The Grey”

Running Man

People have been running since the dawn of humanity. Really, it used to be the only possible way to get around. Then we got bikes and horses and cars and Segways, and running got left by the wayside. I was fully guilty of this; I despised running. A treadmill was my nightmare; a run around the neighborhood was pure torture for me. I’m still blown away by the fact that I just ran three miles tonight. For me, the only type of exercise I was able to get was through some sort of sport. Basketball, kickball, softball, golf, racquetball — … Continue reading Running Man

Birthdays: Then and Now

A second in a series tentatively called: Getting older.

Birthdays used to mean something as a kid. It was a time for you to have delicious cake and ice cream, and invite about a million friends over to your house so that they’d all get you some sort of toy that you mostly didn’t need.

I used to count down to my birthday. “I’m 6 and 5/12ths,” I would say sometime around my sister’s birthday in May. (Remember, it’s all about me when you’re 5 years old. [Also…I was a huge nerd {and still am} for saying 5/12ths.]) Continue reading “Birthdays: Then and Now”